


You Had to Kill Me, but it Killed You Just the Same

by itotallyhaveworktodo



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: FC Barcelona, Gen, Manchester City, Messi Saga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26363536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itotallyhaveworktodo/pseuds/itotallyhaveworktodo
Summary: My take on the behind the scenes of the Messi transfer saga. Based on the actual events surrounding the biggest heartbreak in football. Follow  Leo Messi through the most defining moment of his career. I am not good at summarizing in detail, this is literally a fictional take on the Messi transfer saga.
Relationships: Lionel Messi/Antonella Roccuzzo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17





	1. January 2020

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever story! I write to process things and the Messi saga has destroyed my heart as a Man City fan, but even more so as a Messi fan. This is my attempt to make sense of the whole situation and get my tears out. That Goal interview crushed my soul. 
> 
> And the state of Barca right now is so hard to see. Like I said I'm a Man City fan, but there's a certain friendship and understanding between us and Barca fans. We see football the same way, so I hurt for you as if it were my club. Here's to hoping the motion against Bartomeu gets the 16,500 signatures. 7,500 is a good start.
> 
> As always this is a fictional story

_January 2020_

Leo Messi arrived at training not entirely sure what to expect. The Spanish Super Cup collapse had left everyone rattled and the fans wanted someone to pay. It was no secret that someone would be Valverde. Leo felt bad for the guy because the truth was, he was just a puppet and being used as the scape goat to cover much larger problems.

Despite Leo’s own frustration, he really was not sure what needed to change. He just wanted to get to work and try to create _something_ good. He knew they were not at a level to win Champions League, but they still had La Liga and the Copa del Rey. He wanted the double, badly. There were a lot of reasons, but the biggest one was The Secret. He wanted to leave Barca.

Shaking the thoughts out of his head, Leo pulled into his parking spot and climbed out of his car, slamming the door a little harder than usual. Walking to the dressing room he half expected to be stopped by club executives to inform him Valverde had been sacked. When he got to the changing room uninterrupted, he wasn’t sure what to think. The whole thing had been dragged out too long in his opinion, and he desperately wanted clarity.

As the rest team filed in and begun to get ready for training, Leo made small talk with them, entirely too distracted to maintain a full conversation. It wasn’t until he noticed Geri giving him a suspecting look that Leo realized he wasn’t as good an actor as he thought. Belatedly he realized making eye contact with Geri had been a terrible idea, as the Catalan was now practically running across the room to corner him.

Accepting his fate, Leo sat down on his bench and mumbled “What do you want to know Geri?”

“Just that you’re okay Leo. I know how you get. I’ve known you for 20 years, I know when something is wrong. What’s going through your head?” Geri asked gently nudging Leo’s shoulder.

“Did they make a decision on Valverde? Do they have a replacement in mind? Will it _actually_ make any difference at all? Geri we are an embarrassment.”

“Leo if you don’t know anything about Valverde, they haven’t done anything yet. You would be the first to know. As to the rest, I’ve got no idea. But something has to be done and what else can actually be done in the middle of a season.” Geri ruffled the smaller man’s hair, for a moment remembering the shy little boy he met as a kid.

“The press is starting to blame me for it.” Leo mumbled back sinking into himself even more than he was previously. Leo wasn’t even entirely sure Geri had understood him.

Geri did understand him and sat down next to him, putting his long arm around Leo and pulling him into a half hug. “I know Leo. Don’t pay too much attention. We both know the press thinks the board is flawless and they’ve got to blame someone, so they pick the easy targets. They’ll say the manager is in over his head, and you disappear in big matches, but trust the truth. You can’t drag the whole team all the time. You’ve dragged this team this far. Doing everything should not be your job. You know that.”

“Doesn’t make it hurt any less.” Leo responded as he wiped a single tear off his face.

“I know Leo.”

The two longtime friends sat on Leo’s bench for a few minutes while Leo pulled himself together. Geri watched Leo’s face as he started to try to smile. It was painful for the Catalan to see. He wanted nothing more than to make the pain go away and to fix things for Leo. Cesc, he thought, he would text Cesc later and see if they could come up with something.

Leo started to stand up and so Geri let him go. “Come on Geri, doesn’t look good if the captains are some of the last out to training.” When Geri didn’t immediately move Leo added, I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“I’ll be right behind you I just need to check something really quickly.” Geri responded getting up and waling back to his own locker as Leo watched. Realizing he wasn’t going to be left alone, he grabbed his phone and with his back to Leo quickly sent a text to Cesc: **We need to talk. It’s about Leo**. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Ansu walking past Leo, momentarily distracting the Argentine, so Geri sent a text to Luis too: **Is Leo okay? Has he said anything to you? We need to talk. I’m worried**.

Leo watched Geri with his phone wondering what on earth was so important it couldn’t wait a few hours, when Ansu walked past him with a huge smile. Looking at the excitement in the young boy’s eyes everyday made Leo remember how he felt as youngster and he pulled the young winger into a hug. As Leo watched the boy almost run out to training, he looked back to Geri still with his phone.

“Geri you said it would only a take a second, let’s go!” Leo half yelled at him pointing towards the door. Despite the irritation in Leo’s voice, Geri smiled.

When the two arrived at the training pitch, with most of the team was already there, Leo sent Geri a glare which the Catalan ignored. When Valverde came out to the group, moments later, Leo held his breath. The manager did not say anything about his future at the club, just outlined the session for the day. Leo felt his anxiety and frustration spike, but he said nothing. He pretended he didn’t see Geri’s concerned expression.

* * *

After training Leo did everything he could to avoid Geri. He rushed through his shower, got dressed and rushed out before Geri was even out of the shower. Once he got to his car, he sent a quick text to Antonela: **Leaving training now. Be home soon. We need to talk about *that* thing, I think Geri suspects**. Her replay was instant: **It was only a matter of time. He knows you too well. See you soon**.

As Leo pulled out of his parking spot, he thought back to the night he told Antonela his thoughts.

_Leo was in a bad mood. It was another frustrating training session where things just weren’t working. He felt like he could run around all of Barcelona and still be filled with frustration. When he walked into his house, he couldn’t even bring himself to look into Antonela’s eyes. He just motioned for her to follow him upstairs away from where Ciro was asleep. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her in front of his son, even though he was asleep and far too young to understand._

_Sitting on the end of their bed, Leo pulled her into his arms and broke down. Through the tears he could only manage one sentence, “I can’t do this anymore.” As he cried, he could feel Antoela’s tears wetting his shirt, mixing with his own. As they calmed down Leo took a deep breath before continuing, “Anto, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m not happy. I don’t want to waste the last years of my career. I don’t think I’m going to renew my contract. There’s no plan, no structure, something has to give, and I can’t wait around anymore. I want to be happy again. You deserve me happy. The boys need me happy, and I’m not happy.” Leo finally met his wife’s eyes, expecting to see anger, but instead was met with sadness and love._

_“I want you happy too. If we have to leave, then we leave. You know I’ll be beside you always.” She answered him_ _through her tears._

_The pain in her voice made Leo reconsider every decision he made that got him to this point. “I haven’t decided for sure yet, love. I just need you to know I’m thinking about it. There’s the contract clause too and Manchester City have always said I can call them at any time. They’ll make room for me. I’m not making a decision yet, I promise. Let’s see how the rest of the season plays out, okay? And let’s not tell the boys until we know for sure what is going to happen” Antonela just nodded trough her tears, and Leo held her tighter._

Pulling into his driveway Leo can see Antonela sitting on the front steps waiting for him. He smiled and walked into her embrace feeling at peace for the first time that day. Leo knew she wanted to know what happened that made Geri suspect he wanted to leave, but he also knew she would never ask, so he explained without prompting. “I was thinking about everything in the media and the situation with Valverde and I guess I was making a face; you know he can read me. He started to ask questions and I told him how much it hurt. And that I didn’t know what was going on. He kept watching me after that. He definitely knows I’m not happy, if he’s put the rest of it together, I don’t know.”

Antonela just nodded her head, before leading him into the house for lunch. Leo was relieved she didn’t press him. He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead as he thought about how lucky he was to have her as his wife.

* * *

Geri knew Leo was avoiding him. When he ran into the dressing room after training was over faster than Geri had seen in years, it was obvious to him Leo was not in the mood to talk. Geri was fine with that, he had pressed Leo enough for one day. He decided to take his time getting changed and showered. He was enjoying the feeling of the water hitting his body.

When Geri returned to his locker, he checked his phone remembering the texts he sent earlier. He was relieved to see both his friends had responded.

Luis: **He’s not happy. I can’t get him to actually *say* it, but it’s obvious. Did he say anything to you? What tipped you off? Come over tonight after training and we can talk**. Reading Luis’s words made Geri’s heart sink. He texted the striker back: **Will do. Be at yours in about an hour**.

Opening the message from Cesc, Geri sighed. Leo was hurting and he just noticed. Cesc: **What’s going on with Leo? Is he still upset about the Super Cup? Usually he snaps out of it by now or...you think it’s something bigger, don’t you?** Geri hated how Cesc always seemed to know when things were more serious than usual. Geri blames it on his captain tendencies. Knowing he gave himself extra time before going to see Luis, he decided to sit at his locker and explain to Cesc what happened earlier.

Geri: **Why yes Cesc, I think it’s something bigger. He’s not happy. I can tell.**

Cesc: **I’m going ignore the sass for Leo’s sake. What happened? I’m guessing it was recent?**

Geri: **He came in today looking like he could punch something or just pass out. I asked him what was going on and he started mumbling about how no one knows what is going on and the media slandering him. He said it hurt.**

Cesc: **Keep me updated Geri, but I don’t think there’s a whole lot we can do right now.**

Geri: **I’m getting ready to go over to Luis’s to talk to him about it. He seemed to know more.**

Cesc: **Okay. Just don’t worry too much yet, Leo will calm down once the club figures out what is happening.**

Geri hoped Cesc was right. Putting his phone away, he gathered his things and wondered how Leo had gotten so sad. He questioned himself and his role in it too. Geri wanted to help and make Leo feel better, but he wasn’t sure how to. He wasn’t even really sure when Leo had begun to lose the light in his eyes. The whole way to Luis’s house he questioned every interaction he had with Leo over the previous few weeks. He could not recall a single one where Leo had given any indication he was unhappy. Geri tried to convince himself today was a one-off, but something inside him told him in reality he had just missed the signs.

Pulling into Luis’s driveway, Geri couldn’t help but look down the street towards Leo’s house. He wanted nothing more than to go down there and demand Leo tell him everything, but he knew that would just make Leo shut down even more. Instead he got out of his car and walked to Luis’s door. Sofi opened the door before he got a chance to knock, gave him a hug, and showed him to the living room where Luis had his knee resting on the couch.

“Hey bro! Good to see you.” Geri greeted his friend.

“Always is my friend. But let’s get to it, I am not in the mood for small talk, my knee hurts like hell.” Luis laughed a little, but Geri could see the striker was not joking.

“Leo had a, minor breakdown this morning. He barley kept himself from crying. He wouldn’t tell me much about what he was thinking, just that what is being said about him in the press is hurting him. I told him to ignore them and focus on the truth. We all know our poor form is a result of a lot of executive decisions and years of issues that haven’t been dealt with. I don’t know when it got this bad for him.” When Geri finished explaining what happened, he could see the lack of surprise on his friend’s face.

“He’s been hiding it for a while Geri.” Luis answered. “I noticed it before we went to Saudi. He just doesn’t have the passion that he used to have. He’s hurting a lot. It’s more than what the press is saying about him. He didn’t even seem happy when they are praising him for one of his out of this world performances. There’s a lot in his head and I think we just need to support him as best we can.”

Geri looked at Luis not entirely knowing what to say, before Luis place a hand on his arm and half whispered, “There’s something else too Geri. You know he has that clause in his contract. I heard him on the phone with Jorge asking about the details of it. When I asked him about the call, he just said it was about his contract. I asked if it was the renewal and he said no his current contract.”

Geri was in shock. He looked at Luis and could see the seriousness in his friend’s eyes. “That’s why you wanted me to come here, isn’t it?” was all Geri could manage to get out.

“Yes. I didn’t want to text that to you. I am trying not to think too much about it, I suggest you do the same, Geri. I think once the club figures out what they are doing with Valverde and get things more stabilized, it will get better. He loves Barca, I think he’s just trying to come up with something to make him feel better about the situation. You know as well as I do, he wants to stay here until he retires.”

“I do. Let’s just keep a close watch on him to make sure he doesn’t get too stuck in his head. I worry about him.”

“I do too Geri. I’m glad we talked. Someone has to keep an eye on him in training with me out.” Luis tried to joke, but the atmosphere between the two star Barcelona players was too tense for it to really come off.

Geri stood up to leave giving Luis a hug before adding, “I texted Cesc that something was off with Leo. I’ll tell him we talked, but I won’t mention the contract clause. We can keep that between the two of us.”

Luis just nodded and wished Geri a goodnight. Back in his car Geri sent a quick text to Cesc: **Talked to Luis. We are in agreement that it’s probably the situation with Valverde, but Luis told me he’s been like this longer than I thought. I think he’ll be better once this whole situation is resolved.** Geri drove home with his mind going ten times faster than his car. He kept coming back to one thought, was Leo actually considering activating the clause?

* * *

Over the next few days Leo did his best to hide his emotions from his friends. He seemed to have succeeded as the events of that day were not mentioned again. When the club finally made the decision to sack Valverde final, and announced his replacement Leo was conflicted. He was relieved that their new manager saw football the way he did, but he was not sure he could handle the pressure of FC Barcelona. He was determined to give Setien a chance and to do his best, as he always did. He noticed Geri keeping closer to him than he used to, and he seemed to catch the Catalan watching him frequently, but Leo did his best to ignore it.

Geri knew Leo was aware he was being watched. He also knew the Argentine was doing his best to ignore it. As things got sorted at the club, Geri expected Leo to look lighter, like the weight of the world was no longer on his shoulders, but that never came. Geri did his best to keep Luis informed as the striker did his rehab and surgery, but no matter how much the two tried to reassure each other, and themselves, that Leo was going to be okay, neither ever truly believed it.


	2. February 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically a ton of Leo/Anto fluff, mixed in with the usual Barca drama and the City UCL ban. Bartomeu makes his first appearance too, you've been warned. I am not entirely happy with this chapter, so I may come back and edit it later, but it would just be little changes, so I am going to go ahead and post it. Hope you enjoy!

_February 2020_

_The 4 th_

Leo wakes up before the alarm goes off. Hoping it’s not too early, he checks his phone, relieved to see he’s only 15 minutes early. Relaxing in bed for a few moments Leo felt calm and free. He feels well rested for the first time in weeks. Looking to his right he can see Antonela still peacefully asleep. He thinks she looks like an angel. In a split second he decided to turn the alarm off and let her sleep. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb her when she looked so at peace.

Leo got breakfast started downstairs, putting on an apron over his shorts and tee-shirt without really thinking. He got everything ready to make the boys pancakes and eggs before going back upstairs to wake them up. Carrying Ciro downstairs he had to remind Mateo and Thiago not to run.

Sitting them at the counter Leo asked them how school was going and listened to Mateo complain about not being in “big boy school” yet. When he finished cooking their food, the boys forgot about everything else and Leo watched as they ate like they were being starved. Mateo and Thiago finished quickly, and Leo was relieved neither tried to fling food at the other, a fairly common occurrence of late. The two older boys, knowing their routines, ran upstairs to get dressed and brush their teeth for school. Leo smiled thinking of how carefree and happy they were. 

It was then that Leo noticed Ciro was playing in his food instead of eating it. Knowing what his baby boy liked, Leo picked up his spoon and started making airplane noises as he fed him. Only then did he hear the giggle that was unmistakably his wife.

When he looked up towards her, he saw her filming him. Clearly done with her recording, she put her phone and wrapped her arms around his waist as he kissed her good morning. When she pulled away a bit Leo noticed her staring at him and she whispered in his ear “you look hot as hell in my apron.” Smirking Leo kissed her again, determined to have the last word.

Pointing to the spot Mateo had vacated with his pancake flipper, Leo told her to sit and eat breakfast. Ciro was finally finished playing with his food and was ready to play with his actual toys, so Leo let him run off to play. Finally getting himself something to eat, he sat down beside Antonela. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Leo put down his silverware and looked at her. “I’m going to tell Bartomeu I’m not renewing my contract today. I’m going to tell him I want to activate my clause. I told him I was going to stop by his office before training.”

Anotnela, knowing he was sure of his decision, looked at him with concern. “Let me know how it goes. Hopefully he listens. You need to do this. As much as it hurts, I know you need to. And you know you need to as well. Are you worried about it?”

“Honestly, no. I need to tell him and at the end of the day, it’s what we need.” Despite the certainty of his words Antonela could hear the pain in them.

“Have you told anyone yet? Geri or Luis? Kun even? Ney would be good to talk to. You’re going to need your friends as this gets more intense, love.”

“I want to talk to Bartomeu first and see what he says before I tell too many people. I don’t want the media to get a hold of this. They would tear me apart. Not that I don’t trust my friends, it’s just that the more people know, the bigger the risk.” Leo sighed as he looked down at his hands.

“Just promise me you won’t go through this alone.” Antonela stood up then wrapping her arms around Leo and resting her head on his shoulder. He held her hand as tightly as he could, grateful for her presence.

“I promise I won’t.” Leo stood up then hugging her to his chest, needing to feel her close before he got ready to go to one of the most important meetings of his Barcelona career. He pulled away a bit to look in her eyes as he said, “I love you so much Anto. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Leo kissed her once more with all the love he could find inside himself. He didn’t want to let her go but it sounded like the boys were arguing upstairs and she pulled away. Leo tried to hide the disappointment on his face.

“Get ready for training and your meeting, I’ll take care of the boys.” She pressed a light kiss to lips and whispered, “I love you Lionel Messi” before she ran upstairs after the boys. Leo watched her the whole way. Picking Ciro up from where he sat himself next to Hulk, Leo took him upstairs and put him in his bed, where the toddler quickly became amused with his blankets. Leo wandered down to his and Antonela’s room, slowly getting dressed and slowly beginning to dread the meeting that would commence in a short time.

* * *

At the training complex, Leo was glad he was the first to arrive. He did not want Geri or Luis to see him talking to Bartomeu, and he definitely did not want to run into Ansu. The boy looked up to him so much, and Leo did not want the kid to know the dark secrets of the club they both loved.

Knocking on Bartomeu’s office door, Leo suddenly felt sick. He knew he did not have a good relationship with the president and he also knew he was about to make that relationship worse. When the president motioned for him to come in Leo’s legs felt weak. He was sure he was shaking, but a quick glance at his reflection in the glass, told him he was not.

“You wanted to talk about your contract right Leo? We are offering two more years. I sent the details to your father already.” Bartomeu said in a friendly, yet professional manor.

Leo panicked for a split second but then took a deep breath and told Bartomeu what he wanted. “I don’t want to extend my contract. I want to leave at the end of the season.” Leo was impressed with how steady his voice sounded. And he could see the split second of shock and anger on the president’s face, but it was gone as quickly as it arrived.

“I am sorry to hear that Leo. Why don’t you take some more time to think about this, there’s still a lot left to the season, we can talk about it afterwards. Give Setien a chance to get settled and see how things go. We’ll talk about it in again in a few months.” Bartomeu stood up from behind his desk, opened the door for Leo and added, “You don’t want to be late for training. It would not look good for the captain to set such a bad example.”

Leo taking the clear hint that Bartomeu wanted him to go, left the president’s office and headed towards the dressing room, even though he knew he still had plenty of time before training. He was not surprised to find the room empty, so he sat down on the bench and took a few deep breaths to calm down. He pulled out his phone to text Antonela.

Leo: **Hey love. I talked to him, but he wants to talk again closer to the end of the season. For now, let’s just go about as usual. I told dad to pull out of contract negations for now. The media will find out soon I’m sure.**

Anto: **Thanks for letting me know. It’s going to be okay. There could be a ton of reasons for delaying the new contract. I’m sure your father can come up with something to feed the press if it gets to be too much.**

Leo: **Yes. They’d buy I wanted more money without the slightest doubt.**

Anto: **Don’t go there. I know you’re thinking about all the negatives they say about you.**

Leo: **You know me too well. Geri just got here, and he seems pissed. I’ll see you soon love.**

Leo watched as Gerard Pique slammed his locker door closed. Leo let out a slightly surprised yelp causing Geri to spin around fast enough to make Leo dizzy. “Leo, I didn’t know you were here already!” The Catalan blurted out.

“I had a meeting with Bartomeu this morning. It lasted about 5 minutes before he kicked me out.” Leo replied rather calmly, surprising even himself.

“I hope you told him to get his staff under control. Eric has lost his fucking mind! What he said is never NEVER acceptable! We don’t control who is hired or sacked! Who the hell does he think he is! He knows KNOWS how that will be interrupted, I can see the headlines now, ‘Technical director of FC Barcelona implies Leo Messi is the reason Valverde was sacked!’ ‘Leo Messi controls everything’ you know it too Leo, and its BULLSHIT!” Geri’s voice had risen several decibels and Leo was grateful it was just the two of them in the room.

“Slow down Geri. What the hell are you going on about? And lower your voice the others should be arriving soon.” Looking around the room, Leo noticed the boot room door was slightly ajar with the light off. Grabbing Geri’s arm, he pulled the Catalan into the little room closing the door and locking it but leaving the light off. “Tell me what you are going on about please,” as an afterthought Leo added “Calmly.”

Geri took a deep breath before beginning again, “Eric did an interview and talked about the sacking of Valverde. He made a comment about how it was ‘the senior players’ doing and that forced him and Bartomeu to have to sack Valverde. You know as well as I do that ‘senior players’ is interpreted as _you_. Maybe me, Luis, and Busi too, but definitely you. I don’t understand how he could do that when he _knows_ what the press will say about it and what they’ll do to you!”

When Geri stopped to breathe, Leo took his opportunity to get a few words in, “Don’t say anything to anyone Geri. I’ll handle it as club captain tonight. For now, let’s focus on training and pretend we don’t know anything.” With that, Leo quietly slipped out of the boot room unnoticed by the gradually increasing number of people in the room. A few moments later he saw Geri slip out unnoticed as well. Leo grabbed his phone then and sent a text to Luis: **I know about Eric. I’ll handle it later.** He then sent the same thing to Busi, Antonela, and his father.

* * *

Sitting on his couch after training, Leo was waiting on the “okay” from his father on the statement he drafted regarding Eric’s interview. Having now been brought up to date on everything Eric had said, Leo was just as angry as Geri had been. The only thing keeping him together was the fact that Anotnela was right beside him, running her hand through his hair at a steady tempo that Leo found incredibly soothing.

When his phone went off with the okay text from his father, Leo’s hand shook as he opened Instagram. He added the picture of the headline with his explanation, pressed the post button, and closed the app before he saw anything that would ruin his mood further.

He took Antonela’s hand and kissed the back of it. Standing up, he took her into the kitchen and started getting dinner ready with her by his side. Leo felt exhausted after the day’s events, but for the first time since he left home that morning, he was happy, even if for just a moment.

A few hours later, Antonela brought Leo his rigging phone. “It’s Bartomeu” she said slightly panicked. Leo took it, mirroring her worried expression. 

“Hello?” he answered hesitantly. 

“We need to talk. You and Eric need to talk. Be at my office tomorrow morning an hour before training. Do not be late. You are the club captain. This behavior is unacceptable from someone of your position. I will see you tomorrow morning and we will discuss this.” Before Leo could respond to the president, the line was dead.

Leo dropped his phone on the floor unceremoniously before flopping onto the couch. “He wants me to go in early tomorrow. Meet with him and Eric, explain myself. Probably fine me. He said my behavior is unacceptable of the club captain. Though it’s kind of ironic isn’t it? Isn’t the job of the club captain supposed to be to lead and protect the team? Even when the biggest threat to the team is the administration?” Leo laughed then, but it was devoid of all humor. “This shit is why I want out, Anto. I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m tired of it.”

Antonela sat on the floor with her back against the couch, right next to Leo’s head before commenting, “I know Leo. This isn’t fair. They’re using you to get what they want. It’s exhausting for me too. I hate seeing you like this.”

“I know you do, love. We’ll get something figured out soon.” Leo wished he actually believed the words he spoke to her. After a while Leo dozed off on the couch and Antonela had to wake him to get him to bed. He was asleep again as soon as his head hit the pillows on their bed. When Anto awoke the next morning there was just a note on Leo’s already made side of the bed that read, “left early, need to go to the gym to get my anger out before the meeting with Eric and Bartomeu. I love you. Leo”

* * *

When Leo arrived two hours before the scheduled meeting, he went straight for the gym. He had sent Geri and Luis a text asking if they wanted to meet him but hadn’t bothered to check for any responses. He figured if they showed up or not it didn’t really matter. Leo was lost in his head when the door to the gym opened and he didn’t notice anyone had entered until he heard Geri yelp and say “watch it Luis! You just put that stupid crutch on my foot!” Leo laughed then, missing Luis’s response.

“Leo! What the hell is going on?” Geri demanded without even so much as a hello.

“Well the short answer is Barotmeu is pissed I responded to Eric’s comments and he’s making the two of us talk. I’m really not in the mood to fight with them so I’ll just take whatever Bartomeu decides is appropriate and move on. It’s not worth it. I said what needed to be said, and it can’t be unsaid.” Leo, ever practical, informed his friends.

Luis looked at Leo for a few seconds before adding, “It shouldn’t always be down to you though Leo.” Geri nodded in agreement.

“I appreciate that more than you know, but I am the captain and some things _are_ my job. Like calling out the technical director.”

“You don’t have to do it alone though Leo. That’s all we’re saying.” Geri added when he detected the slightly annoyed tone in the Argentine’s voice.

“I know. Thank you for never leaving me. But I guess my time has come.” Leo told them pointing at the clock. “Wish me luck.” With that the defender and the striker watched their captain and friend walk out the door.

Leo really only half paid attention in the meeting. He just responded appropriately and listened to Eric explain himself and what he meant, while Leo just nodded. Not caring too much, the damage was done, and no words would ever make it truly right. When it came time for Leo to explain himself, he was brief. He wanted out of there and he wanted to go back to training. When Bartomeu finally let him leave, Leo walked as fast as he could without being too suspicious to the dressing room. He put his boots on as fast as he could and ran out onto the training pitch to run a lap before the session started. Geri watched him concerned but kept his distance.

* * *

_The 14 th_

Leo had just gotten out of the shower after training and checked his phone. It was unusually full of messages and one news headline kept coming up over and over again. It wasn’t about shops being sold out of roses or balloons causing traffic accidents, it was much worse. Manchester City, Leo’s escape plan, had just been banned from UEFA club competitions for two years. Leo’s heart sank. First for Kun, his best friend, and then for himself.

Without a second thought, he called Sergio. When he got his fellow Argentine’s voicemail, Leo began to panic. He tried again and got the same result. Panicking heavily, he tried to call Nico, only to be met with the same result yet again. Leo was worried about his friends and he felt helpless. Geri walked in then and saw Leo sitting on his bench shaking.

“Leo are you okay? You’re shaking.” Rather than risk verbally answering Geri, Leo handed his friend his phone with the headline pulled up. “Oh my god. I did not see that coming” Geri said handing Leo his phone back.

“I tried to call Kun and Nico but neither of them answered. I want to talk to them Geri.” Leo’s desperation was clear in his voice. Geri hugged him not really knowing what to say. “I hate this for them, and for Pep.” Leo’s voice cracked after that and Leo decided to stop talking. As more of his teammates filtered in and checked the news for themselves, there was only one thing on anyone’s mind.

When Leo got to his car, he sent Kun and Nico a text telling them he was there if they needed to talk and that he was sorry. He thought about adding more, but was afraid if he said too much, they would read into why the UEFA verdict hurt more than it probably should, so he left much unsaid.

On his way home, he tried to focus on his surprise plan for Antonela, but he knew he needed to tell her the news first. When he got home and she was already sitting on the front steps, something told him, she already knew. When he hugged her tighter than usual and kissed her with a little more intensity, he confirmed for her what she had suspected, the Manchester City ban was going to change the plans around leaving. “They’re banned for two years Leo, I saw the news, and I know you know by now. We have to think about what to do, but let’s not worry about his today, alright? It’s Valentine’s Day, a happy day.”

Leo relaxed when she said those words and he smiled. “Yes, that sounds wonderful, love. In fact, you need to go get changed. You have an appointment in about an hour at the spa.” Leo walked away with a smirk knowing she was staring at him.

* * *

After Antonela left for the spa, Leo got the boys set up to make cards while he was waiting for the balloons to arrive. He heard his phone ringing and answered it without checking who had called. Leo expected it to be Anto or about the balloons. What he didn’t expect was to hear Kun’s voice on the other end.

“Leo my friend. I’m guessing you saw the news and that’s why you called. I’m doing okay really. The club is convinced they’ll get it overturned and everything will be okay. Pep told us not to say anything and let the lawyers handle it. It’s really not worth stressing over.” Leo was always so surprised by Kun’s easy nature, even after all their years of friendship.

“Sergio, you are way to calm about this for a sane person! I would be distraught.” Leo thought after the fact maybe he said too much, but Kun didn’t seem to pick up on it.

“That’s because I know there’s nothing I can do, and nothing is decided yet Leo. It’s not worth it to stress. The club is going to CAS and after that, I will make a decision. It helps that I do not have the profile of you. If it was you in this situation, the press would somehow try to blame you for it. So just be glad it’s us not you. It’s always us, little old City.” Sergio laughs a genuine laugh, and Leo feels better knowing his friend really is okay with it, for now at least.

“I’m glad you’re okay with it Sergio. I was really worried.” Leo cringed at the way his voice caught at the end.

“I knew you were when I saw you called twice in a row and Nico said you called him too. But I promise we’re okay. I would have answered, but I was with Sofi on the water in Dubai I’ve got to go Leo, but I promise everything is going to be okay over here.” Sergio’s voice was calming to Leo, and he truly did believe his friend. “Bye Leo, talk soon. Love you brother”

Leo sighed as the line went dead. He sat and watched the boys make cards for their mom with a smile on his face. Despite everything wrong in the world, he had three perfect and beautiful boys that made everything worthwhile.

Eventually the gate buzzer went off and Leo saw the truck with the balloons and flowers. With the help of the young man from the shop, he spread the balloons throughout the house, filling their bedroom, living room, kitchen, and hallways with balloons. He arranged the flowers in their room and placed the now completed cards from the boys on the edge of their bed.

Leo had just put a sleeping Ciro to bed, exhausted from the day’s activities, when he heard Antonela’s car pulling in. He rushed downstairs with one of the roses to meet her at the door. When she got out of the car and saw him there, she smiled. Leo handed her the rose and kissed her. Leading her inside he turned so he could see her face. When she saw all the balloons, her eyes glistened, and Leo smiled. He knew that with her by his side, whatever happened would be okay. Leo hoped she knew how much she meant to him, and hoped his little project showed her even a little bit of the love she had shown him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I doubt I'll get another chapter out for at least a week, so enjoy this one! I have class and work until next Monday, so that's probably when the March chapter will come out, if I can't sleep or something it might be earlier, but don't expect it until at least Monday. In the meantime if you are as upset about this whole situation as I am, feel free to talk to me. Sharing pain is better than suffering in solitude.


	3. March 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I waited to post this until the new counts are in. 12 700!! I'm trying so hard to be optimistic. But there are only a few days left to get 4 000 signatures and my natural pessimistic nature is kicking in. City has had a very quiet week too so there hasn't been anything to distract me from the situation in Barcelona. As a result, the longest chapter yet! I couldn't help myself from putting a little fluff at the end, but fair warning this is pretty intense.

_March 2020_

Sitting at his locker before training, Leo was reading the coronavirus news on his phone. He had taken to coming in early to check with club executives on the situation. Despite his calm nature he was beginning to panic. He heard the whispers about the potential of playing behind closed doors or even having to shut down completely. They all had. Leo tried to keep calm and not worry too much, but this was something he never could have imagined. A global pandemic, in his lifetime. Despite the enormity of the situation, as captain, Leo felt it was his job to remain as focused and calm as possible. So as hard as it was, Leo was trying to be business as usual. Today that meant training and going over to Luis’s house afterwards for video game night with Neymar.

Geri arrived soon after Leo. The Catalan was still keeping a close eye on the Argentine. Leo knew it and was unsurprised when Geri sat down beside Leo on his bench. What Geri wanted today, Leo had no idea, but he suspected he was about to interrogated, especially since they were the only two to have arrived. Leo hoped someone else would arrive soon and rescue him.

“How are you Leo? And don’t you _dare_ say ‘I’m fine Geri’ or ‘I’m just tired Geri,’ I want the truth Leo. You’ve hid behind that bullshit for a while now and I’m tired of it. I’m your friend. How are you _actually_ doing Leo?” Geri tried to keep the irritation out of his voice but couldn’t.

Leo flinched at the Catalan’s tone. He honestly didn’t know where to begin. “I don’t, I’m not, I mean, I,” Leo struggled for words, not sure how to tell his friend what was truly wrong. “I don’t know Geri. I don’t know. It’s all become too much. I don’t have the answers for everything, and I can’t do everything on my own anymore. I just can’t. I am exhausted Geri. I am so tired of all of it! I just want to come here do my job and go home to family and not worry about it anymore, but all I do is worry about it. The press never lets a day go by without saying something, things here are a mess, and it’s exhausting Geri. It’s exhausting being expected to fix it all and fixing it isn’t even my job, no matter how many times the press says it is. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

After his talk with Luis back in January, Geri expected Leo’s response to be something about the way things had been going. He knew the Copa del Rey loss was probably a touchy subject, but he wanted to push today and since Leo seemed in a talkative mood, Geri decided to breech the subject, “the Copa loss just made it worse, didn’t it?”

Leo knew it was coming. He knew his friends would eventually force him to address the Copa del Rey loss. In truth he had tried to avoid thinking about it, but Geri had him cornered and so he surrendered without much of a fight. “Yes. We didn’t even play badly; it was just bad luck.”

“But…” Geri prompted. He was not about to let Leo get out of talking.

Leo sighed, “But we should have won. It’s everything that the past few years have been. We just don’t perform when we need to. And I get blamed for it. I need help Geri. And this was just another example of it. I wanted the double so badly. And I thought we could do it, but I was wrong. And now it’s just La Liga and hope we don’t get embarrassed in Champions League again. You and I both know there is no way we can win it.”

“Very optimistic there Capi,” Geri laughed and was met with a glare from Leo, “I know though. We have a lot to sort out before Champions League becomes a realistic target. I have to ask Leo, I have been wanting to for a while actually, please don’t get mad, but…” Geri paused and looked around to make sure the room was still empty before continuing, “are you thinking about activating your contract clause to leave for free?”

Leo took a sharp breath and stiffened. “How did you know about that clause?”

“It’s common knowledge Leo. Please just answer the question. I need to know, I’ll support you either way, but please don’t hide this from me.”

Leo started shaking as he nodded his head. He tried not to cry, but when he felt Geri’s arms around him, he broke down. It was then that Ansu walked into the room, early as usual. Looking at Geri and Leo, the boy froze. Geri motioned for him to leave and mouthed “Keep everyone out” hoping he understood. When Ansu turned around with a nod, Geri hoped his message got across.

As Leo’s tears began to slow, Geri felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out he saw a text from Ansu, followed by even more.

Ansu: **The rest of the guys are starting to arrive. I told them we can’t go in, but they’re getting impatient.**

Ansu: **I told them it was a captain thing**

Ansu: **Is Leo okay? I probably should have started with that.**

Ansu: **I won’t tell anyone! I Promise.**

Ansu: **Okay they’re starting to get *really* pushy**

Geri needed more time. He still had a teary Leo wrapped around him and he was not about to let the rest of the team see it.

Geri: **Tell them “Geri said he will have anyone who tries to get in fined and benched.”**

Ansu: **Can you actually do that?**

Geri: **Technically no, but I can make their lives miserable.**

Ansu: **I was scared for a second! I need to make sure I don’t get on your bad side.**

Geri just rolled his eyes at the boy’s last text and hoped he would be successful at keeping the guys out for a few more minutes. Leo was starting to come back to himself, so Geri looked into his friend’s eyes, “Leo I love you, you’re my brother. Whatever you do or wherever you go, I promise it won’t change that. I know this isn’t easy for you, and I’m here. Luis is too. And Cesc, and Ney. We all know Barca, and we know you. It will be okay, I promise.”

Leo hugged Geri again. “It hurts like hell, but I have to.”

“I know Leo. Now as much as I love taking with you, the rest of the team should be here. Go get a shower. I’ll say I made you before training because you were in the gym this morning. Since we are starting with a tactics session, I made you go shower. Oh, and you owe Ansu. He has kept everyone out, so you and I could be in private.” Geri explained as he dragged Leo towards the showers turning the water on. He gave Leo a pat on the back and the Argentine felt another surge of affection for his friend. Geri went back to the dressing room and changed his tear-soaked shirt before texting Ansu back.

Geri: **Okay let them in.**

Ansu: **Done**

Geri read the boy’s text as his angry teammates came into the room. Doing his best to get the questions answered before Leo got out of the shower, Geri answered the rapid-fire questions with the one thing he knew everyone would believe, he and Leo were talking about the impossible, an interrupted La Liga season. Geri was, for the first and only time, grateful for the pandemic.

Ansu however, was not as easily deterred. When he saw Leo come out of the showers, the boy ran over and gave the Argentine a hug. Leo was confused but hugged the boy back. Ansu wanted to tell Leo how much he looked up to his captain, but he wasn’t sure how to say it. He tried to say it with his hug.

Leo wasn’t sure why Ansu was hugging him as tightly as he was today. It wasn’t uncommon for the boy to hug him, but it was never like this. Leo remembered that Geri had said Ansu was keeping the rest of the team out of the room and wondered if the boy saw or heard anything. When Ansu pulled out of the hug and didn’t say a word, Leo smiled. Ansu smiled back at him and walked over to his locker. Leo did the same.

Geri watched from across the room and hoped the young wonderkid had enough sense to stay quiet. When Ansu returned to his locker, and Leo his, Geri assumed the kid hadn’t said anything. Geri watched Leo the rest of the day, and while Leo smiled and joked with their teammates, his eyes remained full of pain.

* * *

Leo wanted nothing more than to leave. Training was over and he was exhausted. The morning events with Geri had drained him far more than any training session ever had. It didn’t help he was dreading going to see Luis, knowing he was going to have the same conversation again. He knew his friends needed to know his thoughts, and he needed their support. Trying to avoid everyone on the way out was surprisingly easy. Leo figured it had something to do with whatever excuse Geri came up with for this morning. As Leo was getting in his car, he felt his phone go off. Assuming it was Antonela or Luis, he checked it. He did not expect it to be Ansu.

Ansu: **Hi Leo. I have been thinking about it all day, are you okay? I don’t know if Geri told you, but I was the first one in this morning and I saw. I didn’t hear anything, and I won’t tell anyone! But I’m sorry for whatever’s upsetting you. I know the media has been horrible, but for what it’s worth I think you’re a great captain! You do so much for us, and we probably don’t give you enough credit. You’re the best player there has ever been and if I can become half the player and man you are it would be more than I could have ever dreamed of.**

Leo read Ansu’s message a few times. He honestly had no idea the boy had seen anything or that he felt the way he did. Leo wanted to know what to say, but he didn’t. Instead he sat in his car and stared at the message hoping something would come. When he realized the boy was probably freaking out, afraid he had said too much and upset Leo, he decided not to worry about what he said. Leo just had to say _something_.

Leo: **Thanks, Ansu. That means a lot. I’ll be okay, it’s just been a rough few months. This happens in football. It helps having friends like you around. This will pass, everything will. Remember that, everything will eventually end, and life will go on.**

Putting his phone down Leo hoped Ansu would remember those words when Leo announced his decision to leave. He hoped the boy would remember those words when Ansu was the one taking the hit for all of Barca’s failings. Leo really did love the boy. He reminded him so much of himself and Leo hoped he was everything to Ansu that Ronaldnho had been to him.

Before Leo could even start his car, his phone started ringing. This time Leo checked it before answering, and he was glad he did. For the second time Leo was surprised by who was contacting him. Cesc never called, but he was now. Leo knew that meant Geri had told him _something_ about what happened that morning. Leo was not ready to have this conversation again but answered anyway.

As soon as Cesc heard the line picked up, he started, “Leo I talked to Geri. He told me things were not okay with you a while ago. I figured it had to do with the change in manager and the poor results. This morning he texted me and told me that you had a breakdown and told me I needed to call you to get the whole story. He said it’s bad. Leo talk to me. I might be able to help you, or at least help you see perspective. Someone outside the situation might be good for you. And I’m your friend Leo, whatever is going on, I want to know about it.”

Deciding to just be blunt and speed the whole ordeal up, Leo came clean, “I’m thinking about activating my clause at the end of the season to leave Barca for free.” After Leo dropped the bomb on Cesc, he started driving to Luis’s, finally getting out of the Barca training ground. Cesc was quiet on the other end of the line, if not for the background noise, Leo would have thought the call dropped.

Eventually Cesc spoke again, “Wow I did not realize things were that bad Leo. I wish there was something I could do. Do you have a plan? Where you’ll go? Have you really thought it through?”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet Cesc. I would go to Manchester City though, but with the ban it’s complicated. Kun said the club is confident they will overturn it, but who knows. It’s too much of a risk right now. I’m just trying to figure out if I actually want to go or not yet. I’ll worry about the rest later.” Leo really did not want to have this conversation and he hoped Cesc could hear the irritation in his voice.

“I’m glad you’re thinking this through Leo. I really am. You’re my friend and I want you happy. Are you happy right now? I can guess the answer, but I want to hear from you.”

Leo sighed and decided to just tell the truth, if today was going to be his undoing, might as well come completely clean. “No Cesc. No, I’m not happy. I honestly haven’t been happy in a while. Probably since Ney left. There’s just no direction, no plan, no nothing. I’m getting older and I can’t do everything I used to. I want to enjoy the end of my career in a _team._ Somewhere I am the key piece, but not the _only_ piece.”

“You know that’s how I felt when I left Arsenal. It seemed like no one else cared the way I did, and no one else was putting in the effort that I was. It might be time to go Leo. I know you wanted to stay until you retired, but like you said, you don’t want to waste your career. It may help the club too. In the long run at least.”

“I know you’re right. It’s just so hard.”

“It always will be Leo. And a part of you will always wonder if it was the right thing, but deep down, you will always know it _was_ the right thing. I’ve got to go, I’ve got an evening session today, but I wanted to get what happened from you and not Geri. We both know he exaggerates. Bye Leo, talk soon. Keep me updated bro.” With that Cesc hung up the phone, leaving Leo to drive the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

Leo sat in his car in Luis’s driveway trying to work up the courage to tell his best friend he wanted to leave the club that was their home. Leo really did not want to do it. He knew he had to though, and so he climbed out of his car and walked to the door. Instead of just walking in like he usually would, he knocked.

When Luis heard the knock on the door he was confused. He couldn’t think of any reason someone would be knocking on his door in the middle of the afternoon. When he saw Leo, his confusion multiplied. The Argentine never knocked on his door, and if for some reason the door was locked, he knew the passcode and had a key. When Luis opened the door, Leo wouldn’t meet his eyes. Luis thought his friend looked guilty about something and he wondered what had happened today that made Leo look like a kicked puppy.

“Can I come in, Luis?” Leo mumbled to the ground.

“Of course, Leo! Come on let’s go to the office so we can talk in private.” Luis started to lead Leo into his house. “Something is bothering you; I can tell. I’m your best friend Leo. No matter what happened today I promise I am not going to hate you. Sit here and talk to me.” Luis gestured towards a chair for Leo, taking the one opposite it for himself.

Leo closed the door before sitting down. Luis looked at him expectantly. “Nothing really happened today exactly. It’s been building for a while. Geri just wouldn’t leave me along today, so I told him everything.”

“What do you mean Leo?”

“I might activate my contract clause and leave Barca on a free this summer.” Leo felt his heart racing and his body starting to shake. He wanted nothing more than to hug his best friend, but he was afraid of the look Luis would give him. Leo didn’t want to see the look of betrayal in his friend’s eyes. Leo felt the tears starting to sting his eyes. His attempt to fight the tears only made it worse, and seconds later he was crying and shaking even worse than he had that morning.

Luis had barely processed the words Leo had said but seeing his friend shaking and crying, told Luis everything he needed to know. He got up and wrapped his friend in his arms. Luis was relieved when he felt the Argentine relax a little.

Luis had never seen his friend this upset, aside from the one night he showed up after he got into a fight with Antonela. Luis wanted to fix this for his friend like that he did that night, expect fixing Barca wasn’t something Luis could do. Bartomeu wasn’t currently talking to Sofi like Antonela had been, and Bartomeu didn’t even truly care about Leo, let alone love him like Antonela. Luis hated seeing his best friend this upset and hated that he couldn’t fix it. Holding a panicking Leo, Luis could not figure out what to say.

Leo tried to focus on his breathing and tried to keep his mind from racing. He tried to keep from worrying about what Luis would say to him and the betrayal he was still convinced he would see on his friend’s face. “I’m sorry Luis. I’m so so sorry. I just can’t do this anymore.” Leo managed to get out through the tears.

“Leo it’s okay. I’m your friend. I don’t mind being with you when you’re hurting. I want to be with you at times like this.”

“I’m sorry I’m leaving you.”

“Leo, leaving is just a part of this life sometimes. I’m not upset with you for it. I’m furious they’ve pushed you to this point, but it isn’t your fault. You have to do what is best for _you_.” With the Argentine no longer crying, Luis pulled away and sat back down. “Why were you so afraid to tell me, Leo? Did you really think I would be mad at you for this?”

“I thought you would think I was betraying you. And walking away because it was hard.” Leo said to his feet more than to his friend.

“Never Leo. Fixing it isn’t your job. You have to be happy and I _know_ you aren’t happy. I have known that for months. Geri has too you know. He came over shortly after my surgery in January asking me what was going on with you.”

“You knew I wasn’t happy?”

“Yes Leo. It was obvious. You really aren’t a good actor. And there is more. I heard you in January talking to your father about the clause in your contract. I hoped the manager change would help, but things haven’t gotten better, so I’m not surprised by what you just told me.” By the time Luis had finished talking, Leo finally looked up at his friend.

“Did you tell Geri all of that too?” Leo asked his friend out of curiosity more than malice.

“Yes, I did. And I am glad I did because with me in rehab, someone needed to be there for you.”

“I’m not mad you told him Luis. I just really thought I was hiding it better than I guess I was. Do you think anyone else knows?” Leo panicked a little at the thought that maybe the whole team knew and were just too afraid to confront him.

“No, I don’t think they know much. I think they know you’re not very happy, but we aren’t performing well this season, so I doubt they’ve read into it much. They also know what the press has been saying, so they expect you to be a bit out of it. That said our teammates certainly won’t think it’s at a point that has made you want to leave.” Leo sighed with relief.

“I don’t want them to know yet. You and Geri know and that’s all I want for now. Cesc called me on my way here and I told him, but I really don’t want anyone else to know. I’m definitely not telling Ney, not yet.” Leo wasn’t afraid of Luis telling anyone, but he also hopped his friend could tell he was serious.

“You don’t have to tell anyone anything you don’t want to, Leo. Have you talked to Bartomeu at all?”

“I tried. He didn’t want to talk and forced me out of his office. He keeps avoiding me. He wants to talk about it at the end of the season.” Leo did a bad job hiding the irritation in his voice.

“Of course he is avoiding you. He has issues Leo. He wants ultimate control and authority. Whatever happens he will do everything he can to avoid dealing with this. Just keep trying to get him to hear you.”

“I will.” Leo stood up then and added, “Come on Luis, let’s go play our game. Ney is going to be getting impatient.”

Luis followed Leo out, completely forgetting the reason Leo had come over in the first place. Their Brazilian friend was not exactly patient and they were supposed to start the video game ten minutes prior. When he and Leo finally logged on, Ney ranted at them for being late, but neither Leo nor Luis told him why. Once the three South Americans got the game started, the events of earlier were no longer mentioned. Leo was tired and Luis was worried, but they both kept their thoughts to themselves.

* * *

The suspension of play had been in effect for a few weeks. The club was in desperate need to reduce spending and the already bad financial situation was getting worse. Leo knew the club needed to cut back on salary spending, and the rest of the squad knew it too.

Leo and his fellow captains had talked about a plan and came up with a solution that the squad was willing to accept. The four of them presented their ideas to Bartomeu and the board. The team wanted to help in any way they could. They all knew their lives as professional athletes meant they’re position was much different compared to the rest.

As hard as it was for Leo to not be playing and training every day, the time with his family was something he loved. Getting to watch his boys grow every day and getting to spend quality time with Antonela, was something he would never take for granted.

Leo’s stress levels had gone down now that he wasn’t surrounded by the madness of Barca every day. The time away made Leo realize the amount of stress the club caused him. He truly enjoyed being away from it all for a while. As horrible as the situation was, Leo tried to be positive and focus on the good that came out of it.

He was watching the boys play when his phone went off.

Geri: **Did you see what Bartomeu is saying about our pay cut? God, I hate that man**

Leo: **No. What’s going on?**

Geri: **He said it was his doing and tried to frame himself as the fucking savior and made it sound like they had to force US into doing this**

Leo: **Of course he did**

Geri: **You have to do something! You’re the fucking captain!**

Leo: **Calm down Geri, I will.**

Geri: **We can’t let him win Leo, we can’t**

Leo: **I know Geri. We won’t. I’ll write something like I did the last time for all of us to post.**

Geri: **Okay Leo, just please don’t let him win.**

Leo: **Never Geri, never.**

Leo sighed and put a message in the team chat to inform them he would write something and send it to them to see if they liked it, and then they could all post it. The team seemed okay with that, so Leo went to work on writing. He could not believe the situation he was in and hated that he had to once again take to Instagram to combat rumors that started from within the club.

Antonela found him at the table writing on his computer. “Leo, what’s going on, love?”

“Bartomeu is trying to make it seem like the club had to force us into taking a pay cut. The guys are rightly pissed off, I am too. I’m writing a statement for all the guys to post on Instagram clarifying the situation.” Leo paused for a moment before adding, “It shouldn’t be this way.”

“I know. This isn’t fair to any of you. I worry about you, love. This isn’t your job. I hate that they do this to you.” Antonela tried to keep her voice level but the hurt creeped in by the end.

Leo could sense the pain in her voice. “I know baby. It will be okay eventually. We’ll figure something out, I just think we’ll have to leave. This just keeps getting worse and I can’t deal with this shit anymore.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

With her response Leo felt a surge of affection for his wife, kissing the top of her head. “I love you Antonela. We’ll get through this. I promise.”

“I love you too Lionel Messi. I’ll leave you to…”

“Stay here with me please? I can’t do this alone.” He interrupted her.

“Okay” She pulled up a chair and sat next to Leo. As he struggled to find words to explain the position of the Barca squad, Leo would look over at her and she would smile at him. Her presence gave him the strength and rational to keep going.

When he finished writing, he showed the screen to Anto to get her approval. When she nodded, he sent it to the team chat for their approval. As their okays started rolling in Leo felt relieved. They agreed on a time to post it, and Leo hoped his words would be enough to calm the situation for now.

Leo expected to get another call from Bartomeu after the statement was posted, but the call never came. He figured since the squad members posted it, Bartomeu was more likely to let it go. Leo hoped he would get through the rest of the lockdown period without any more issues. He really wanted to just spend this time with his family and forget about the situation with the club. Leo had a lot on his mind and he really wanted some peace. He hoped that he would find it soon. In the meantime, he promised himself he would spend as much time with his family as he could.


	4. June and July 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to combine June and July because it's kind of a lot of filler and so I thought it made sense to put all of that in one chapter. It's a lot of character development and not a lot of heavy action, but there are some details that will be important later. I am starting to take some artistic license with this because I wanted more drama, as if this whole saga didn't have enough drama to begin with! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I intend to get the next chapter up relatively soon. That said it will be a long one cause it's August and we all know what went down in August.
> 
> Sorry for the delay on this chapter as well. I just got over a really bad virus that might have been COVID, but no one really knows for sure what I had. It was not pleasant whatever it was. 
> 
> Also it looks like the signatures are going to be validated! Will Barto resign before the vote? What do you guys think? How about Barca's transfer window? Sergino Dest will be a great addition (I'm an American so I'm biased) but enjoy him Barca fans! As a City fan, I'm torn on Eric. I think he can be very important for us this season, but I hate the idea of losing him for free. So conflicting. He will go home eventually though, don't worry. I always knew City were just borrowing him for awhile. He's a Barca boy.

_June and July 2020_

The league was finally coming back. Leo was happy to be returning to training and to some level or normalcy. The hard part for him was being back at the club every day. His time away had solidified his decision to leave. There was no doubt in his mind now. He would leave so he could be happy.

Over the few months of lockdown Leo tried to tell Bartomeu he wanted to leave a few times. Every time he was met with some type of dismissal or was flat out ignored. Mostly Bartomeu told him that with the pandemic and the league shutdown, there was a lot of other things that needed to be dealt with immediately and he didn’t have time to worry about what Leo wanted for the next season. Leo honestly understood, he knew the club had a lot of more pressing matters to deal with, but was irritated, nonetheless.

Driving to training, Leo thought back to when he called Kun and told him what he was thinking. He was worried about how his best friend would take it, but Leo wanted and needed him to know. Leo’s fear was how Sergio would feel with him coming to the club Sergio had spent almost a decade at.

_Leo was sitting outside in the sun and it felt nice on his face. He wondered how much longer he could sit outside in the sun like this if he went to Manchester. He didn’t know much about the city, but he did know it rained more often than it was sunny. Thinking about that, he decided to call Kun and tell him what he was considering doing. Before Leo could second guess himself, he pressed call on Kun’s contact. When Leo heard the phone ringing, he hoped Sergio wouldn’t answer._

_“Leo, what’s up brother!” Kun answered after the second ring. Leo panicked and didn’t know what to say so he said nothing._

_“Leo? I can hear you breathing so I know you’re there. What’s going on? Are you okay? Antonela okay? The boys?” Kun was getting a little worried, it wasn’t like Leo to call him and then not say anything._

_“They’re all okay Kun. I’m worried about you actually. Well I’m worried about how you’ll react to what I have to tell you.” Leo answered honestly._

_“What is it Leo? You can talk to me. You should know that by now. We’ve been with each other through everything. What is it that you are so afraid to tell me?” Kun tried to put Leo at ease._

_“I’m thinking about leaving Barca. But if I do, I’d go to Manchester. I don’t want you to hate me for intruding on your life and at your club. I know it’s yours and not mine. I don’t want to take that from you. I’m sorry Sergio. I’m really really sorry.” Leo’s voice cracked at the end and he fought back tears._

_“Hey, I’m not mad Leo. I promise. It’s okay it will all be okay. But I need you to back up for a second. You want to leave Barca? Have things gotten that bad?” Kun asked._

_“Yes, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry it’s going to affect you” Leo admitted, deflated._

_“Lionel Messi, I promise you everything will be okay between us. It would be a lot of fun to play with you every day. It always is. That said Leo, I’m worried about you. I know this has to be hard for you. You’re my brother and my best friend. I don’t want you to be hurting. I want you happy. I’m not going to press you on what is going on that is making you want to leave, but just tell me something Leo, have you fully made up your mind?” Kun tried to keep his voice level and relaxed._

_“Mostly. I’m not going to make it official yet. We need to see what is going to happen with the season, and City’s CAS case, and who even knows when we will be able to play football again. There’s a lot of questions before I can make it truly official. I just need you to know.” Leo said with pain in his voice._

_“I’m glad you told me. I would promise everything will be okay and will work out, but we both know a lot can happen in our lives. But Leo, you’ll get through it. And I promise I am here for you no matter what. I love you Leo, you’re my brother and my best friend. And if you end up at City, I’ll score more goals so it would be a win for me too.” Kun ended with a joke in an attempt to make Leo feel better._

_“You would like that wouldn’t you?” Leo joked back._

_“Yeah it is kind of my big thing and you’re the best playmaker like ever, don’t let David and Kevin know I said that though.” Kun laughed and was relieved when Leo did too._

_“Thank you Kun. You always know how to make me feel better.”_

Pulling into the parking lot at the training complex snapped Leo out of his reminiscing. He was glad for the distraction. Not wanting to think about what might happen and the decision he felt he was forced to make; he made his way inside to training.

With the new protocols it was far more difficult for Geri to corner him and Leo was grateful. He did not want to talk about what was going on between him and the club while on club grounds. He just wanted to focus on a strong end. They had Champions League and La Liga. Leo wanted nothing more than to win what they could and try to leave on a good note. He was determined to make that happen.

He had tried to talk to Bartomeu a few days prior about his situation and once again the president had refused to listen. Leo was starting to get genuinely pissed off with the situation, but between pulling out of contract negations and repeatedly telling him he wanted to leave, Leo knew the president had to know he was serious. He figured Bartomeu thought if he ignored Leo long enough, Leo would forget or reconsider his decision. The longer Bartomeu played his game, however, the angrier Leo got. Every time Leo saw Bartomeu he was angry. Leo was truly begging to hate the man.

* * *

Another draw. Leo was frustrated. He didn’t want to talk about it, and he didn’t want to think about how it made winning La Liga almost impossible. There wasn’t enough time. Not enough points. Madrid had gotten too good. There would have to be errors from Madrid and perfection from them. Leo didn’t believe perfection from Barca was possible or that Madrid would make a mistake. Internally, he knew it was pretty much over. Externally, he did his best to convince the others he still believed it was possible.

Geri and Luis were not fooled. The Argentine’s two best friends were able to read Leo easily. They knew the draw had upset him. Locking eyes across the socially distanced dressing room, Geri pulled out is phone and motioned towards it with his head. Luis understood and pulled out his own phone.

Geri: **Leo’s upset**

Luis: **No shit Geri**

Geri: **We need to talk to him. Last I heard he was still debating the “situation”**

Luis: **He’s pretty much made up his mind. He’s worried about Manchester City’s ban though**

Geri: **He’s still determined to go to the wrong side?**

Luis: **He’s determined to go to the side with connections to Barca. Put your bias aside**

Geri: **Whatever, his loss. I just don’t want him to leave with a bitter feeling about Barca. This is his home**

Luis: **He’s already bitter or he wouldn’t be about to leave**

Geri: **I hate it when you’re right.**

Geri: **We need to talk to him though**

Luis: **Yes. I’ll invite you and him over tonight in a group chat.**

Luis: **Let’s not tell him about this conversation though**

Luis: **It would probably piss him off**

Geri: **No, it would definitely piss him off.**

Geri put his phone down and looked up just in time to see Leo walking past after media duties. He smiled at his friend who gave him half a smile back. Geri looked across the room to see that Luis had seen the interaction as well. Luis immediately picked his phone back up and created the group chat.

Luis: **Come over to my house for dinner**

Geri: **That sounds nice. Tonight? Tomorrow? You say when and I’ll be there!**

Luis: **I was thinking tonight! I’m hungry and we just ran our asses off**

Geri: **Fuck yes!**

Leo: **I guess**

Geri: **Come on Leo it will be nice**

Leo: **I said I’d go calm down**

Leo: **I know why you’re doing this. I’m not stupid**

Luis: **I just want dinner with two of my best friends, I’m not doing anything**

Leo: **I saw the looks you two were giving each other. I bet the people both of you were texting when I got back were each other**

Geri: **We want to spend time with you Leo**

Leo: **I don’t doubt that**

Leo: **I just also know you want information or to check on me or babysit me something**

Leo: **I’m not mad. You’re my friends**

Leo: **Just being watched constantly is kind of uncomfortable**

Geri: **We’re doing it because we love you**

Luis: **We know this is hard Leo. We want you to know you’re not going through this alone.**

Leo: **I know. And I apricate that. See you tonight**

The three men put their phones down and went about getting ready to head home. Seemingly before they knew it, they were leaving the Camp Nou and on their way to Luis’s house. Leo was partially dreading the dinner. He knew it was going to be an interrogation. He had successfully been avoiding any serious conversations with his friends and it was about time for them to corner him. Leo wanted to keep them updated, he really did, but it was hard to talk about. Seeing Kun almost every day was only making the situation worse. He loved being with his friend every day and the thought of that being a regular thing was hard to take. Pulling into Luis’s driveway Leo mentally prepared himself for what was about to happen.

When all three men had gotten settled at the table with their food, having heated their pre-made food from the club, Leo decided to be radical and just spill everything.

“I know what you want to know, so I’m just going to tell you, so you don’t subtly press me all night. I have made up my mind, I will leave Barca. I don’t want to go anywhere but Manchester City, though I don’t know what will happen with the ban. Kun said the club is confident they will get it overturned but that doesn’t mean anything. I don’t know what I will do if the ban is upheld. I guess maybe PSG? I don’t know. I’ll have to look at my options in that case, but I’m not going to say anything until our season is over anyway, and they’ll know by then. That’s what Bartomeu keeps telling me too. He wants to discuss it whenever we finish the season. I have tried to talk to him about it and he keeps avoiding the conversation. I am also pretty much convinced we have lost the league. There is no way we can catch up to Madrid with them in their current form and us in ours. It’s upsetting to me. I wanted to leave on a high so badly. And I find it very hard to believe we can win Champions League seeing as we are about as inconsistent as I have ever experienced in my time here. I am pretty sure we will have a trophy-less season and I will leave having failed as a captain and a leader. But honestly what hurts the most is that I would leave Barca hurting when Barca needs someone to step up and lead. I just don’t think that person is me. I am not what Barca needs. In fact, I think Barca needs me gone, and that hurts most of all.” Leo finished with a sigh, wiping away the tears that had begun to fall.

Geri and Luis were not sure what to say. They had expected everything Leo had said, but they did not expect Leo to come right out and say it all so explicitly. Geri reacted first, getting up and pulling Leo into a hug. After a few seconds, Leo pulled away and looked at his friends before adding, “I am going to miss you two so much.”

“We are going to miss you too Leo.” Luis responded looking at his friend.

“Leo, you will always have a home here. And I know things aren’t what you wanted, but it’s okay to move on. There’s more to life than to waste years being miserable at Barca.” Geri added.

“I know. And I’ll be honest guys, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want to enjoy the time I have left with you.” Leo said ending the conversation.

Geri and Luis knew better than to push Leo when he didn’t want to talk, so they let that topic go. For the rest of the night the three laughed about anything that came to mind. When the Leo and Geri finally left for the night, it had gotten late and all three were exhausted both from their match and the time they spent together. On the short drive down the street to his house, Leo thought about how much he would miss seeing his friends every day.

When he parked his car, he could see the living room light on. He wondered if Antonela was still awake or if she had left the light on for him. He did not expect to find her laying on the couch asleep using the book she had been reading as a pillow. Leo slid the book out from under her head, put her bookmark back in it, and set it on the table. Instead of waking her, Leo picked her up and carried her to their bed, turning the lights off as he went. As Leo was about to lay her down, he heard her mumble his name and stay. Leo’s heart broke. He laid her down and sat next to her before getting up to finish getting ready for bed.

Leo was changing when he heard Antonela moving around on the bed. “Leo? You’re home?”

“Yes, my love. Go back to sleep. It’s late.” Leo told her affectionately, sitting back on their bed and brushing her hair back from her face.

“I kinda expected you to stay at Luis’s for the night.” Antonela responded.

“Why would I do that?” Leo asked confused.

“It was getting late and I knew you would be upset, and I thought you might have wanted to be alone.” Antonela confessed, not meeting her husband’s eyes.

Leo tilted her face up so she was looking him in the eyes and told her with as much sincerity and honestly as he could muster up, “The only place I want to be is right beside you. I need you, Anto.”

“I need you too.” She replied. Leo kissed the top of her head and started to hug her to his chest, but Antonela leaned up and kissed him deeply. Leo was slightly surprised but kissed her back. When she slipped her leg over Leo’s hips and guided his hand under her shirt, Leo broke the kiss.

“You sure you want this?” He asked her breathlessly.

“I need you.” She answered before kissing him again. That was enough for Leo and he kissed her back, letting himself forget everything and getting lost in the feel of her body and the love he felt for her.

Leo was sitting on his couch refreshing his phone constantly. CAS was supposed to release their ruling in the next few minutes. He was terrified. It wasn’t just for Kun and Nico this time, but for himself. He wanted to go to Manchester City, but he couldn’t if the court ruling wasn’t in their favor. He truly was terrified. The boys were outside with Antonela and he was alone. He wanted it that way.

When the notification came in, Leo held his breath. When he opened it and saw the news that indeed the club had gotten the ban overturned, Leo curled up on the couch and let out a sigh of relief. Laying there he kept thinking about how it was all going to be okay now, and he had his escape. It was truly going to be okay. While he was laying there, his phone went off.

Kun: **You see the news? We did it!!**

Leo: **I did!**

Kun: **You feeling better now?**

Leo: **Yes. But I should be the one asking you that**

Kun: **I’m ecstatic bro! Never doubted the club.**

Kun: **Okay not ture, I went back and forth on it like the fans**

Leo: **I’m truly so happy for you**

Kun: **Biggest win of the year!**

Leo: **Agreed lol**

Kun: **Hey we both have Champions League yet**

Leo: **True. It will be exciting**

Kun: **Yes! I just wish I could go**

Leo: **I know you do. I wish you could go too**

Kun: **I want to win UCL with City so badly. The club deserves it**

Leo: **Maybe I can help with that**

Kun: **Maybe you can**

Leo laughed and put his phone down hearing the door open. Looking up he saw Antonela walking in and he smiled. “It’s overturned. There’s no ban.” Leo told her. Antonela ran over and hugged him. He held her before adding “I am so relieved. It’s going to be okay. We can go.”

“I’m glad it’s all working out. I just really don’t want to go. I know it has to happen, but it’s hard. This is home.” Antonela was honest and pulled out of the hug.

“I know baby. I don’t want to go either, but I have to. You don’t deserve this version of me.” Leo ran his hand through her hair, and she leaned into his touch. “I love you so much and I want you to have the real me and not this angry and hurting version you’ve been forced to endure.”

“I know, and I know we need to go. It’s just so hard.” She admitted.

“We’ll do it together. Like always.” Leo told her. She smiled at him before heading back outside with the boys. Leo went to get ready for training, still thinking about the events of the morning, his future and what it all meant for his family.

* * *

La Liga was lost. It was over and done. The season was over, the final match had been played. Leo wasn’t angry, which surprised him. He wasn’t even truly hurt. He didn’t really feel much of anything. He looked around at the team and could see the disappointment in young Ansu Fati and decided to try to something about it.

“Ansu, how are you doing?” Leo asked walking up and putting his arm around the young winger.

“I wish I could have done more so we could win. I wanted to win. I wanted to help us win. I’m sorry I didn’t do more. I feel like I let everyone down.” Ansu wouldn’t meet Leo’s eyes.

“There’s nothing else you could have done. It wasn’t meant to be this year. If anyone has let the team down, it’s me. I’m the one who is supposed to carry us. You’re a kid, you gave us more than we could have ever asked from you. And I am so very proud of you. Look at me kiddo, none of what happened this season is your fault. We’re a team and sometimes we lose as a team. You have added so much to this team Ansu. We didn’t win, but don’t let that distract you from how fantastic you were. You will win La Liga, and the Copa del Rey, and the Super Cup, and Champions League. It will all come, just be patient.” Before Leo had finished his speech, Ansu had thrown his arms around his captain and Leo held the boy as tightly as he could.

When Ansu unattached himself from Leo, he was slightly embarrassed and ran off to the showers quickly. Leo saw Geri and Luis watching with smiles. Leo went over to the corner where they were to talk to them.

“That boy practically worships you.” Geri started with a laugh.

“I was that way with Ronnie.” Leo said dismissing Geri’s comments. “How are you guys feeling?”

Luis sighed and answered, “I want to go away and forget about this place for a while. Spend time with my family.”

“I definitely want that too.” Leo answered. Geri nodded in agreement as well.

“There is so much shit with this club, I can’t handle it anymore. It’s hard to be a player and a socio. I can only ever get away so much.” Geri was honest with his friends.

“You should try to go away for a while though Geri. Just forget about all of it for a bit. Spend time with your kids. This isn’t worth ruining or neglecting your relationship for. Bad enough mine is strained. Don’t put yours there too.” Leo only realized what he said after it was too late.

“Leo, what’s going on with you and Anto? What did you do?” Luis asked with an edge to his voice.

Geri grabbed Leo’s arm and drug him into a back room. Luis followed and closed the door. “Spill Leo.” Geri added once the door was closed.

“It’s just the leaving thing. She doesn’t really want to go; I don’t really want to go. I’m upset all the time and I’m not always as present as I should be. It’s hard on her and I can’t blame her. Pretty much every night she curls into me and I swear she wants to say something, but she ends up just saying she needs me. Then she jumps me and the next thing I know I’m collapsed on top of her and we’ve definitely not talked about anything important. And afterwards she lays there and looks at me and I always tell her she’s my everything and that I love her or something like that. But sometimes she cries and then I hold her. There are days when I start it too. It’s every night. I can’t remember the last night this didn’t happen. I know it’s odd to say my relationship is strained when we’re having sex every night, but it’s not passionate sex, it’s happening because I’m hurting her, and I don’t like it. I hate hurting her. But at the end of it all, we both know I need to go. Accepting it is just hard. But having sex all the time is better than arguing about it, I guess.” Leo finished not really sure what to expect from his friends.

“Sex is definitely more fun; I’ll give you that Leo. You’ve got to talk about it with her though.” Geri answered his friend.

“We do talk about it, but there isn’t a solution. We stay, I’m miserable. We go and we have to leave our home. There isn’t a perfect option and I hate it. She hates it. But we both know we have each other and so we turn to each other and end up in bed.” Leo replied getting slightly defensive.

“When we go to Ibiza in a few days, try to put it aside Leo. And just have fun. It sounds like some of it is just stress. Get rid of the stress, and I think things will be better.” Luis tried to calm his friend.

“Yeah, I hope getting out of Barcelona for a while and relaxing will help.” Leo answered. When Geri and Luis started talking about video games, Leo slipped out of the room, got his shower, and packed up his things. Just before they left to head back home, Leo pulled out his phone and texted his wife.

Leo: **I need you**

He turned his phone off right after sending it, knowing Antonela would know what he meant. When their plane landed back in Barcelona and Leo turned his phone back on, he saw a single text from his wife.

Antonela: **I’ll be waiting**

When he got home, she was indeed waiting for him. When Leo saw her in his shirt, he forgot everything his friends had told him only hours before about talking to his wife. In a split-second Leo decided to take the “more fun” option as Geri had put it and crushed his lips to hers before she could even say hi.

Antonela was just as desperate as her husband. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. She didn’t want to talk about what happened earlier, she wanted to forget. She wanted the feeling only he could give her, to feel like she was on fire. She moved Leo’s hand under what was actually his shirt with a whimpered “please” and Leo got the message. They went upstairs and got lost in each other.

* * *

In Ibiza Leo and Antonela did their best to keep their thoughts focused on the present. The boys where enjoying the time on the beach and seeing them happy made Leo happy. He truly enjoyed seeing his boys having fun on the beach. Antotnela was enjoy the time relaxing with Sofi and Luis and Leo got to enjoy quality time away from the club together.

The quartet made an agreement that there would be no talk of the club or their futures during their trip. It was to be a nice break for all of them. When they got back to Barcelona, all four of them felt refreshed and ready for whatever was to happen next.

Leo wanted nothing more than to be able to bring the Champions League back to the Camp Nou, but as training resumed, he felt that the proper pieces weren’t there. The had the wrong manager, the wrong team, the wrong focus. He tried his best to lead by example, but he felt he was failing. Time ticked on and improvements weren’t happening. What comforted Leo the most was the precious away goal they had going into the Napoli match. Leo just wanted Napoli over with. It had drug on for too long and the longer it took, the more anxious he got.

Geri and Luis both knew Leo was struggling, but neither wanted to confront him. They knew things hadn’t gotten better at home for Leo and he and Antonela were still reverting to what the two thought was an unhealthy coping mechanism, but both believed it wasn’t their place to intervene. So, they watched and talked to each other, looking for any signs that Leo’s mental state was worsening. Geri wished Cesc was still at the Camp Nou, wishing for his friend’s leadership skills and knowledge of Leo. But Cesc was in Monaco leaving Geri and Luis on their own. The two shared Leo’s desire for the Napoli clash date to hurry up and arrive. It had been months of waiting to play the second leg, and the suspense was beginning to be too much. They were all counting down the days, one day at a time. What would happen when that day finally arrived, was anyone’s guess.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I actually posted this! I hope you are not depressed after reading it, as I was writing it. I am planning on doing another chapter for the months of February, March, June, July, August, and September. Depending on what happens in the future more chapters or an epilogue might be added. For now this is the plan.


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